I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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