at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize