so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
