why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
