so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
