my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
