I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
