I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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