it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
