i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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