last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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