she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
