It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
