I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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