ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
