I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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