You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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