You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
