Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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