You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
