i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
