in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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