How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
