I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
