sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
