This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
