Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
