your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
