I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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