I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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