***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
