Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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