I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
