I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
