You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
