cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
