So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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