So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
