How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
