Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
