i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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