i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
