I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
