just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
