i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
