I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
