I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
