I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
