Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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