So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
