Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
