We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
