He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
