Apparently you make a good broom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
